Dear Abby: The woman I wanted to leave my wife for ghosted me

Dear ABBY: I was recently informed that my teenage granddaughter is identifying as a boy. She has a male name she prefers and wants people to refer to her using the pronouns he/him. Her parents are supportive, up to a point. Her mother uses her preferred name and pronouns. Her father supports her using this name and pronouns at school and elsewhere, but at home, he will continue to use her birth name and pronouns. Apparently he told her this, and she accepts the situation.

My wife agrees with the father of the child. Me too, but I want to maintain a relationship with my niece. In the past, we communicated mostly by text or mail. I haven’t seen him in person in years, except for a short drive-thru visit during COVID. I would like her to know that I love her and I hope she has a wonderful future, but I am very sad about this situation. How can I contact him? What can I say? – CONFLICTED IN OKLAHOMA

DEAR CONFLICT: Contact your nephew as always, by text or mail using his favorite name. Instead of being “sad”, be happy that he is able to authentically express who he really is. There is a lot of discrimination against transgender people of all ages, so continue to let your grandchild know that he is loved and accepted by his grandparents. If you want more information on how to achieve a better level of understanding, an organization called PFLAG may be helpful. You can visit it at pflag.org.

Dear ABBY: I got married at 27 because I was careless and got her pregnant. We now have three grown children and a 16-year-old. I have not been happy, but I told myself that when the children go on their own, I will continue.

Well, I recently met someone. She is divorced and we have been together several times. She invited me to live with her, but when I told her I just couldn’t, she moved out of state. I feel lost because we talked almost every day, and she doesn’t want to talk to me at all now. I am not angry with him; I am angry with myself. Help me deal with this please. –– SEARCH IN OHIO

DEAR SEARCHER: You state that you “told yourself” that when the children were alone, you would move on. Did you share those thoughts with your wife? If you only married him to “legitimize” your firstborn, how did you end up fathering four children? It could have been less if you had told her what you were thinking.

You mention that your youngest is now 16. This means that in two years they will be considered adults. Any plans for college in the future? Will you support them until they turn 21? One way to “deal with it” would be to kick yourself for jumping the gun on romance. I will also say this: The woman you got involved with has a good head on her shoulders and has proven it by distancing herself from you.

Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.