Dear Abby: My husband spent all of our savings on his ladies

Dear ABBY: A year ago, I found out that my husband had been cheating on me with multiple women for over a decade and kept two of his conquests for that entire time. He also sent all our savings to his girlfriends in another country. Because we have two adult children with disabilities and one neurotypical adult child, I decided to stay in the marriage.

A year later, I’m still struggling. Actually, I feel worse. I can barely sleep and have developed severe anxiety. I have no one to talk to about this because I am ashamed and humiliated by what he has done to our family. To protect my children, since they would suffer for nothing if they knew about his infidelity, I put on a facade and pretend everything is fine.

I’m desperate for sleep but all I do is cry and wander around my house at night. My husband puts all the blame on me, which leaves me feeling so betrayed and hurt that I don’t know what to do. What are the steps I need to take to put this behind me and move on without having to replay it in my head all the time? – FEBRUARY WORLD IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR ROCKED WORLD: Your first step should be to talk to your doctor about what happened and then seek a referral to a licensed mental health professional. It is important to have someone to talk to because the silence is making you sick.

Telling the truth will not reflect badly on you. Your children have nothing to gain by being kept in the dark. When your husband emptied your bank account, he was hurting them financially as well as you. Once you are emotionally stronger, consult an attorney and get your suggestions from that person on how to protect yourself and your children.

Dear ABBY: My mom and I have an extremely difficult relationship. She wants to treat me like a child, even though I am 66 years old. My husband and I do a lot of things for her and her husband as they are in their mid 80’s.

Thanksgiving was a disaster and we don’t want to spend any more holidays with them. She asks everyone but me why I am angry with her. When I tried to explain to her in a letter how her actions affect me, she got defensive and called it “hateful”. I don’t like confrontations. I’m like a deer in the headlights and can’t think of anything to say to her. How can I let him know that we plan to spend the holidays alone now without feeling like we hate him? – ONLY IN THE SOUTH

ONLY DEAR: I see no reason to tell your mother that you will no longer be spending holidays with her and her husband. If she asks, say you’ve made “other plans” and won’t be available. If she accuses you of hating her or being angry with her, tell her about the reasons mentioned in your letterit has become very stressful.

If your mom complains to the rest of the family, as she probably will, explain the reasons for skipping the stress-filled vacation and tell them they can explain it to her because every time you’ve tried it, she calms you down.

Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.