Dear Abby: Am I wrong to be angry with my husband about his poorly planned birthday vacation?

Dear ABBY: My husband took me on a trip for my birthday this year, only he didn’t prepare for anything other than some touristy events. He didn’t help with camping planning, didn’t plan well financially for souvenirs or if we wanted to eat out, and had a nasty attitude the whole time.

We fought at almost every event we went to because he either disagreed with my preferences or pushed me by calling him frowny.

I’m upset because this was supposed to be a “makeup” trip from him due to ruining my birthday years ago, and the horrible fights we were having leading up to my birthday. I tried to back off but he convinced me to go.

My real birthday was the day after we got home. He ignored me all day and we fought. We had a few friends, but overall, I was very bored and felt unloved by him.

When I approached him the next day, he told me that no one should have a “birthday week” and called me ungrateful and unappreciative of his efforts. Am I wrong to be upset? This was supposed to be his birthday present to me, but it felt more like I took him on a ride he didn’t even want to be on. –– MICHIGAN BIRTHDAY GIRL

DEAR GIRL: It is possible that your expectations around your birthdays may be, in your husband’s opinion, grandiose. Have the two of you argued about more topics than birthday parties, and if so, for how long?

Speaking safely from the sidelines to avoid confrontation, I suggest you ask your doctor (or health insurance company) to recommend some licensed marriage and family counselors. There are healthier ways to manage relationship conflict than the way you two are doing it.

Dear ABBY: I have a problem with my daughter-in-law. I know she loves me, but I don’t think she likes me. An example: Yesterday, I met her and my son at my niece’s dance recital. When I walked in and sat next to them, she barely looked up from the phone, but when another mom came in, she jumped up and chatted for minutes.

This happens often. When we’re alone together, she chats with me, but if someone else is in the group, it’s like I’m not even there. I have no other complaints about it. She is a wonderful mother and partner to my son. Should I talk to him about it? How do you bring it up without making it defensive? – INFORMED IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR INFORMED: I have no doubt that your daughter-in-law loves you. However, she may be so comfortable around you that she’s treating you like family… in other words, taking you for granted. She perks up when she sees her contemporaries because she doesn’t see them as often as she does you, and they may have new news to talk about. Be grateful that when you are alone you communicate well. I don’t think there is anything positive to be gained by approaching her with this.

Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.